Figures

So, again, the reason for the lack of posts is the lack of anything major to talk about. The meetings through the social networking site are pretty sparse lately. Not sure why, maybe because summer is over and the weather just doesn't lend itself to getting together?

With my attempts to go out with my friends more, I did end up going out on Saturday night with D. We met up with her brother on a pubcrawl in my hometown. I don't really like her bro that much, but figured she doesn't see him that often and it would be nice to say hi. Well, he'd been on the pubcrawl all day, so when we met up with him, he was more than shitfaced. Did I mention he's kinda racist and a prick? Haha. Soooo, in an effort to get the F out of there and as far away from him as possible, I suggested we meet up with K at a bar in town even though I was kind of annoyed with her.

Sidenote: K was weird as shit earlier in the day. I thought she invited me to go watch the Head of the Charles regatta. I must've misinterpreted her because what she must've said was that she was going..with her other friends. In the end she told me she was a tack on invite with a group and didn't feel it was her place to invite me. Whatever weirdo.

So anyway, we meet up with K at the bar and the baseball game is almost over. K didn't seem to be too thrilled we were there, which was also weird and annoying. As soon as the game ended, she said she was leaving. Whatever, see ya! D and I ended up talking to the group they were hanging out with and it ended up being kinda fun. Then, out of nowhere, a bunch of people who went to college with us showed up. These people, I might add, were all friends with D, longtime love of my life. I was talking to his friend, who didn't remember me [I feel like I am one of those unforgettable people that nobody ever remembers. I just joined this other social networking site and I have like no friends compared to my friends and no one asks me to be their friend sigh], and he was like "you know D is into guys, right?" SAY WHAT?? Then he goes, "no, no, i'm just kidding." So, wait, is he or isn't he???? What guy jokes that his friend is gay? I mean, this kid WAS wasted, but that isn't something you joke about. So, then I said, "But he dated [poser freak girl] in college for like a year." "Oh, her? she's a lesbian." SAY WHAT?

I don't know what to think. All I know is that I possibly could have spent 3 years of my life pining after a guy who had absolutely no interest in me...and he never even hinted at that. If he had and I knew I had no shot, maybe I would've moved on, maybe I would've met other guys, maybe I would've actually had a relationship, maybe even an emotional and *shock* a sexual one, and maybe I wouldn't be where I am right now...miserable, alone, inexperienced, and despondent.

Bad day

Today was bad. Really bad. I don't even know why. You know when you wake up and you just know that the day is going to suck? I'm also PMSing big time, but usually that doesn't affect me much. I was literally on the verge of tears all day. Everything I did or anyone I talked to almost set me off. It was all I could do to not have a breakdown.

I had class tonight too, I decided to take this computer class that is sort of related to the work my department does but which is kind of above my head. Well, during the class the prof did a 20min demo to show us stuff for our homework that night. It took me the whole 20min to fucking find, unzip, and open the file. By the time I finally got it to work, I had missed the entire thing.

Needless to say, when I got home (after I had a slight meltdown) I headed straight for the margarita mix I had frozen in my freezer from my Saturday night dinner party. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know if it's spilling over from Saturday or if it's something else. I went out for drinks last night with some coworkers and the 40yr old single coworker went too. I think part of me is scared shitless of ending up like her. Because, honestly, we have so much in common it's scary.

At least I can have some comic relief watching the VP debate :)

Nothing to report

I've been pretty MIA lately with no good reason except that there's nothing to report. My life is pretty boring these days. I had a cold last week which infringed on my socializing through the social networking site. I was hoping to get back into the swing of things, but there haven't been many events that have interested me.

The only thing that did happen recently was I had three friends over for dinner and drinks on Saturday. It was nice, we ate, talked, played board games. It felt nice to just talk to them and feel like things were back to "normal." Although, after they left and the whole next day I was kind of in a funk. I think that what had the most affect was when I told them about "Ross" from the pubcrawl. They all thought it was pretty funny. I mean, it is funny I guess, but at the same time, this is my life. This is what I as a single woman in my late twenties has to deal with. That to me is not funny. They have husbands or boyfriends to go home to and tell this funny story to, they don't have to go home and cry afterwards because this is a glimpse at what's out there nowadays without any other potential prospects.

And so it seems that the resentment is still alive, it's not as strong as it once was, but it still does get to me more than I'd like. I'm not sure what else to do with myself. I've been particularly weepy this week, but I think it's just PMS. I've also been having trouble falling asleep at night. I just can't get my mind to stop going.

Oh, I guess one other thing to note is that I joined a pretty well known social utility site. Ugh. I joined a long time ago and quit saying I would never join again because I found myself being sucked into it completely. Well, a friend said she would only join if I did and she clearly wanted to, so I did. I already regret it. I just don't see any good coming from it. Anyhow, in the search for finding people, I found D. I don't know why I friended him, it just ends up making me feel nostalgic and sad. In any case, I've been dreaming about him a lot lately, which is awesome. Not.

Sigh. I'm so ready for something else. Something other than this. Anytime would be good. How about now? No? Okay. Now? What about now?