So, again, the reason for the lack of posts is the lack of anything major to talk about. The meetings through the social networking site are pretty sparse lately. Not sure why, maybe because summer is over and the weather just doesn't lend itself to getting together?
With my attempts to go out with my friends more, I did end up going out on Saturday night with D. We met up with her brother on a pubcrawl in my hometown. I don't really like her bro that much, but figured she doesn't see him that often and it would be nice to say hi. Well, he'd been on the pubcrawl all day, so when we met up with him, he was more than shitfaced. Did I mention he's kinda racist and a prick? Haha. Soooo, in an effort to get the F out of there and as far away from him as possible, I suggested we meet up with K at a bar in town even though I was kind of annoyed with her.
Sidenote: K was weird as shit earlier in the day. I thought she invited me to go watch the Head of the Charles regatta. I must've misinterpreted her because what she must've said was that she was going..with her other friends. In the end she told me she was a tack on invite with a group and didn't feel it was her place to invite me. Whatever weirdo.
So anyway, we meet up with K at the bar and the baseball game is almost over. K didn't seem to be too thrilled we were there, which was also weird and annoying. As soon as the game ended, she said she was leaving. Whatever, see ya! D and I ended up talking to the group they were hanging out with and it ended up being kinda fun. Then, out of nowhere, a bunch of people who went to college with us showed up. These people, I might add, were all friends with D, longtime love of my life. I was talking to his friend, who didn't remember me [I feel like I am one of those unforgettable people that nobody ever remembers. I just joined this other social networking site and I have like no friends compared to my friends and no one asks me to be their friend sigh], and he was like "you know D is into guys, right?" SAY WHAT?? Then he goes, "no, no, i'm just kidding." So, wait, is he or isn't he???? What guy jokes that his friend is gay? I mean, this kid WAS wasted, but that isn't something you joke about. So, then I said, "But he dated [poser freak girl] in college for like a year." "Oh, her? she's a lesbian." SAY WHAT?
I don't know what to think. All I know is that I possibly could have spent 3 years of my life pining after a guy who had absolutely no interest in me...and he never even hinted at that. If he had and I knew I had no shot, maybe I would've moved on, maybe I would've met other guys, maybe I would've actually had a relationship, maybe even an emotional and *shock* a sexual one, and maybe I wouldn't be where I am right now...miserable, alone, inexperienced, and despondent.
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4 comments:
well i guess you could look on the slightly brighter side that if D is indeed gay, then at least you can console yourself that he wasn't interested in you 'coz you just weren't a guy. even though yeah well supposedly you "wasted" 3years pining for him... can't beat my very long crush on someone. it's been over 10 years and sometimes i still wonder if i still harbour a wee crush on him even till now... geez i'm pathetic haha!
I'm with jo on this one -- I'd look at it on the brighter side of things and think, "Ah well. He's gay. That explains it. It's not me."
I mean, it helps explains things. But I'm not going to lie, it does kind of make me sad. Did you ever have that person where if you had the opportunity to change things or do things differently, you totally would? Or there's that guy that you sort of wish would come back into your life just so you could have a second chance. I know it's silly, but you do hear those stories of people who reunite after 20 years, stories that go like, "he didn't even know I existed in high school, then we met 20 years later and fell in love." Silly, but I admit I still had a similar dream, but I guess that's squashed now.
oh hun, i so know what you mean. like i said bout this someone i've had a LONG crush on... yeah well i think a part of me still thinks (and maybe hopes?) that he could be the one. but it's silly 'coz we never even dated and he's hasn't really acted like he was interested. but yeah sometimes i think bout how sweet it might be if i did wind up with him. all my friends and family would be like FINALLY after a million years of crushing on him!
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