"So, why aren't you married?"

This past weekend I went to my friend D's wedding. I was actually kind of surprised there was no drama. We all hate her husband and her mother-in-law is a certified nut job. It was actually a really fun wedding...

...ya know, except for a few key moments. Oh come on, how could a 30-year old single lady have absolutely nothing to complain about going to a wedding. So, I shared a room with my other only single friend C who was in the wedding, and my friend M and her husband. So I went with them to the church. Well, they scooted into a pew with my friend B and her husband and this guy I went to college with and his wife. (Note: couple, couple, couple). So I had to sit in the pew in front of them with this other girl from college and her husband. Then K showed up with her fiance and sat on the other side of them. (Note: couple, couple, Me). I look up a few pews and I see A's sister and her fiance, and another college friend and her husband and A's boyfriend (A was also in the wedding.) So it was awesome to be the only one who needed an usher to take her to her seat. Good times.

The wedding was a full mass which is kind of annoying, and I'm not just saying that because I'm atheist, I just think it just delays the onset of cocktail hour at the reception. It was surprisingly short, but when they go to the part where they say "for all the sick, blah blah blah" and then everyone's supposed to say "pray for us" or something, I can't remember the exact wording, it's been a while. Anyways, the priest goes, "for all the married couples, may their love continue blah blah blah" whatever it was, but he didn't mention the single ladies HELLO! How about "for all the single people out there, that they may find true love and happiness" No, nobody in that church prayed for me. We singletons get ignored. Thanks.

So, we get to the reception and are having drinks during the cocktail hour and this guy I went to college with comes up to me and before he even says hello says, "So, why aren't you married?" Um, what? I was NOT expecting that. I didn't even know what to say. It was like a slap in the face. For a split second, I got that pre-cry burn feeling in my eye, but it only lasted a second and I got over it. I looked at my friend M's husband who was standing there and he just had this blank look on his face. He didn't think to say "Hey, come on, that's not a very nice thing to say" no, he just stood there. Finally, I just said "I don't know" with kind of an offended attitude. He then got defensive and was like, "No, no I didn't mean that in a bad way, I meant it as a compliment, like why aren't you married by now?"

I'm sorry, there has got to be a better way to phrase that. How about "so why hasn't some lucky guy snatched you up yet?" or something. I mean, I don't really like that either. How about you don't bring me being single to my attention at all? How about that? Jerk.

So we go sit down and wait for the wedding party to get introduced and the photographer is going around to the tables taking pictures. He comes up to our table, which consists of all couples and me (my friend C sat with us, but she still was waiting to be introduced so she wasn't there), and he says "Ok, I'd like to get some couple shots." I rolled my eyes and made a face to try and make a joke of it quickly because of course all eyes went to me. I felt so stupid. Then my friend K who was sitting next to me was like "we can take a picture together." I was like, forget it. Good thing the bar opened shortly thereafter and I proceeded to get completely drunk and forgot about being alone...

That is until the stupid bouquet toss. I'm sorry, unless you are in your early 20's and you still have a ton of single friends, there is no need to throw your fucking bouquet. The DJ announces that he wants all the single girls on the floor and literally it was like crickets. It was me, C, and one of the brides friends. Disaster. So, the DJ was like, "if you have a boyfriend you're still "technically" single, so get out there." A couple more people showed up. I moved to the back and kept my arms down. I caught two bouquets when I was 24 and look how much luck that brought me. Fuck off. So, my friend A caught it, which is just as well since she'll probably become engaged in the next couple of months or so.

I was really surprised I didn't cry at all, not even late night. I did get upset the following day looking back at it all. It was all just so up in my face. I try to just ignore the fact that I'm single and alone and depressed about it and I think I do a pretty okay job going through life pushing it to the back burner. Most people don't ask me about my love life or bring it up and I sure as hell don't talk about it anymore. It just seemed that it was unavoidable. Something to look forward to at K's wedding next summer. Sure as hell hope C doesn't have a boyfriend then or I just might shoot myself.

Enough already!

So I went to a lunch/bridal shower today for a coworker who's getting married in about two weeks. First of all, the couple sickens me. They are so frickin beautiful it's ridiculous. My coworker is like 5'10" and model skinny and model beautiful and her bf is blond, gorgeous and to top it off has this crazy WASPy American name. At our department cookout a couple weeks ago they were playing croquet (I don't know who brought it) and they looked like they were right out of a J.Crew ad, no, Ralph Lauren. Barf.

Second of all, I'm really getting sick of all this single-spotlight bullshit. We were there not twenty minutes when our director starts with "Ok, who's going to be next? You're single, you, you, etc." I wanted to crawl under the table and die.

My 40 yr old single coworker was sitting next to me telling my about her bad blind date from Sunday, which provoked the guy sitting next to me (about my age) to ask me if I had a bf. I said no. He went on to tell me he just broke up with his gf, but met someone new on match. "You should try it." "Yeah, I did." I replied. "Oh." He said with a look of such pity that I wanted to run out of the restuarant screaming.