So, I haven't heard from either one of the guys that I talked to almost two weeks ago now. Neither one has even been online since we initially talked. I was telling myself that last weekend was a holiday weekend so I shouldn't expect anything because people have plans, get busy, whatever. The professor said he was going to the UK for a wedding, so I figured, he's out of the country. Excuses, excuses, same old shit I do to try and make believe that I actually have hope. I logged onto the online dating site I'm on and the professor deleted his account. So, unless he by chance happens to log online again, I don't have a way of talking to him anymore. Figures. Aaaand this is exactly why I don't get my hopes up.
I think I should change my blog title from Kisses from God to Punches from God or Bruises from God haha. Because thinking my freckles are kisses to show how much he loves me is alone ridiculous, not just because I'm atheist, but because it doesn't even makes sense if there was a god. I have been pushed down when I'm up more times than I've been happy, happy is a strong word, more like mildly indifferent, and kicked when I'm down on top of that. It would just be a more fitting title considering the luck I've had in my life.
Oh well, at least I know what I'm in for and know that I can live this way for some time and avoid self-harm. It would probably be worse for someone who had known what love, even like, was like and then had that taken away. I guess never having known it is a blessing in disguise. Fuck, maybe I should be thanking god, ya know, if he existed.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
It finally gets interesting
So, the conversation the other night with the young guy ended up flowing fine, which was a relief, and we ended up chatting for 3 hours. I still don't know about the difference in age and education, but I haven't even met the guy, so who knows.
Last night, the other guy, the professor, IM'd me and we talked for 2 1/2 hours. The conversation seemed a bit more forced at times than with the young guy, but I think it was partially due to finding it hard to gauge sense of humor over the internet. I kind of get the impression he has a very dry sense of humor, and sarcastic, which sometimes doesn't always translate merely with words.
Neither of them mentioned meeting in person, nor did I. I'm not sure if I should, since I was the one who initiated both emails, but maybe it'll just come up. I have a feeling that upon meeting I will be able to tell instantly if I like them or not, as is usually the case with me.
I'm not getting my hopes up, since I find it pointless, but at least it gives me something to talk about. This blog is getting pretty boring, even to me, and it's my life.
Last night, the other guy, the professor, IM'd me and we talked for 2 1/2 hours. The conversation seemed a bit more forced at times than with the young guy, but I think it was partially due to finding it hard to gauge sense of humor over the internet. I kind of get the impression he has a very dry sense of humor, and sarcastic, which sometimes doesn't always translate merely with words.
Neither of them mentioned meeting in person, nor did I. I'm not sure if I should, since I was the one who initiated both emails, but maybe it'll just come up. I have a feeling that upon meeting I will be able to tell instantly if I like them or not, as is usually the case with me.
I'm not getting my hopes up, since I find it pointless, but at least it gives me something to talk about. This blog is getting pretty boring, even to me, and it's my life.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Is this settling?
So right this minute I am talking to someone online that I saw on a free dating sight. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I was looking really quickly and wasn't paying attention to details very well, which is something I do all the time and decided to send this guy a message. Well, what do you know, he replied and we exchanged IM names.
Well, I later find out that he didn't finish undergrad, but is finishing up now. He is pretty young, almost 3 years younger than I am. AND to boot, he's Christian and I think he might be serious about it. If I had seen those things before emailing, I probably would've left his profile alone. I know in the end, it's the person that matters, not stupid standards. At the same time though, if you didn't have standards, where would you be?
I guess it doesn't hurt to IM for a while and see what happens. It's not like I'm marrying the guy. Right?
I actually messaged another guy who responded to my initial email, I don't know what's going on here. They NEVER respond. This one is my age, I think he's a professor from the sound of his profile, and he's Agnostic. I kinda hope he responds again, but we'll see. If I don't hear from him in a couple days, is it creepy and stalkery to email him again and ask what's up? or just leave it in his court?
I have totally forgotten how to play the game. I can barely come up with things to talk about over IM. Pathetic. People say be yourself, and I am with my friends, but I doubt this guy wants to talk about Sex and the City, references for a waxing place, or how I'm feeling a bit gassy lately...TMI? Yeah, thought so. Being myself is hard. with guys. I don't know.
Well, I later find out that he didn't finish undergrad, but is finishing up now. He is pretty young, almost 3 years younger than I am. AND to boot, he's Christian and I think he might be serious about it. If I had seen those things before emailing, I probably would've left his profile alone. I know in the end, it's the person that matters, not stupid standards. At the same time though, if you didn't have standards, where would you be?
I guess it doesn't hurt to IM for a while and see what happens. It's not like I'm marrying the guy. Right?
I actually messaged another guy who responded to my initial email, I don't know what's going on here. They NEVER respond. This one is my age, I think he's a professor from the sound of his profile, and he's Agnostic. I kinda hope he responds again, but we'll see. If I don't hear from him in a couple days, is it creepy and stalkery to email him again and ask what's up? or just leave it in his court?
I have totally forgotten how to play the game. I can barely come up with things to talk about over IM. Pathetic. People say be yourself, and I am with my friends, but I doubt this guy wants to talk about Sex and the City, references for a waxing place, or how I'm feeling a bit gassy lately...TMI? Yeah, thought so. Being myself is hard. with guys. I don't know.
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