Not even fazed

So, I obviously haven't posted in a really long time. Some of you might think that the reason is that maybe I got lucky and found someone, things are finally on the upswing, that I'm happy. Unfortunately, that's not the case at all. It's way more uninteresting and depressing than that. Nothing has really changed at all, for the better or for the worse. Well, that may be debatable.

I just got really tired of vomiting up my depression for all the world to view. Besides, it wasn't really making me feel any better. Don't get me wrong, knowing that I'm not alone and that other people are in similar situations does bring me comfort and I continue to read all your blogs daily. For some reason, I just can't really stomach mine anymore.

The only reason I'm posting now is because I turned 30 on Thursday. It actually wasn't as bad as I had imagined it would be for the past decade. I think it's probably because I've been prepping myself for the day for a really long time. My birthday has always been a sore subject for me. It's always around the long weekend, so inevitably, everyone's always too busy to celebrate. I've also had a string of bad birthdays, the worst was when I had my wisdom teeth out and spent my 20th birthday vomiting up blood. The next year was supposed to be an awesome one, the big 21. Yeah. I spent it home alone watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Nobody took me out. My first adult drink I bought for myself.

I try to avoid anyone finding out about it too because it's not something I really want to celebrate anyway. I'm pretty sure I have Peter Pan syndrome. I'm sure being alone and unaccomplished might have something to do with that. So I don't list it on Facebook and didn't let anyone post on my wall that day. The people who I really care about sent me a text, and that was all I wanted. I spent the day at a museum and the movies followed by 4 beers while listening to depressing music and crying myself to sleep. The perfect day.

In other news, in case you really want some cheer...

Things with my family continue to be crappy. I still haven't spoken to my dad since April of 09. I'm open now to meeting with him, with a mediator to help guide the conversation. Things with my sister and my mother are still strained. Things with my sister and sister-in-law are still strained. So that's all been a joy to deal with.

The atmosphere at work is becoming unsettling. Things seem to be changing in a way that I suppose is good for my office. Things, as always, are moving towards technology with a high demand for things faster and easier and by changing, my office is avoiding becoming obsolete, except the drawback of that is that my work and the work of my colleagues is veering very much away from what we actually went to school to study. I've been kind of unhappy for a while, not just with my job, but with this town. I feel like I need a change. Unfortunately, there aren't many jobs elsewhere or anywhere for that matter and I am not one to move without a steady income.

Ugh, see, I don't even like this post. Just word garbage.

On a final note...I have a mouse in my apt. Glee!

P.S. I do appreciate those of you that have expressed concerned over my absence...you're honestly the only ones that notice when I'm not "there."