So tomorrow was supposed to be the last day of my eHarmony subscription. I logged in today to cancel it and realized that they automatically signed me up for another month (which isn't cheap) and charged my credit card. Damn bastards. I remember match did that to me once too. Sneaky as hell. I wrote them two emails demanding that they cancel the charge. On a side note, I am beginning to be leery of all online transactions. My student loan company also sketches me out by not sending me reminder notices (even though I'm signed up to receive them) then doesn't tell me when my account is past due. I feel like everyone is out to get my money! Grrr.
Anyway, so aside from that little annoyance, I am really bummed out that I had even less success through that site than other sites. Not one solid communication, not one. After the first month of so-so matches, I realized I was hitting the bottom of the barrel when I started getting matched with guys that were 3 inches shorter than me or who had kids, both which I rated as being important factors to me. Then I just got the freebie ones I think, who didn't have pics and had one-liner answers on their profile. Yeah, like I'm going to want to talk to you. Then there were the ones who answered the question, "What are you passionate about?" with "sex" or the ones who answered the question, "What are you thankful for?" with 1. sex 2. condoms 3. orgasms. Wow, so deep, can I date you? Please? PLEASE?!
I'm feel like I'm falling back into my depressed, or should I say disappointed feelings from before. Even though I feel like I'm able to tolerate being around my friends again, I still haven't been in a situation where I've had to hang out with them and their significant others, so I'm not sure how that will play out. I'm just so disappointed in my social life. Even though I meet the friends for a drink or lunch or dinner, etc. we never socialize with anyone else, try to meet new people. For example, I went out with some coworkers Tuesday night and K met me. I said something about checking out the room or talking to people, but she wasn't really receptive. That really stinks considering she's the only single friend I have who lives near me. I feel like she never wants to do that with me. I'm wondering now if she's secretly seeing someone or if she goes out with her "other" friends to do that. Who knows.
Then, other people just have so much crap going on. D is studying for her CPA, A is trying to finish her PhD, M and C live in other states, and B is married living in the suburbs and I never get the impression she's ever interested in going out. She's more the type to want to sit in a booth and chat and then is tired after 2 beers and wants to go home. I don't know how it feels to be in a relationship and have single friends because I've obviously never been in that situation, but I would hope that I would be supportive of them in trying to meet people or would go out with them and be there for them, just like you were there when they were single. It just seems like nobody cares anymore once they're all set.
I feel like I'm at a loss. The social meeting site has been slack with meetings that interest me and the volunteer group I joined hasn't really had anything yet that interests me either. I feel like I was putting out a good effort there for a while, but it just gets so hard when you put yourself out there and nobody is receptive. You don't click with people and you just end up back where you started, so what's the point?
I joined a social networking site, but it's so depressing. First, I have so fewer friends than any of my other friends, then I can see other people's pics and what they're up to and it just makes me realize how much I am not doing. My most recent pics of going out are from 2 years ago...and they were from weddings, my most recent pics of actually going out are from like 3-5 years ago. Then, ugh, the most annoying thing I find is that people's profile pics are of them and their partner. It's your profile, not the couple's profile. I don't know why, but that so bugs me. Maybe I'd feel differently if it were me, but to me it's just an extra reminder of "hey, look at me, I'm in a relationship and you're not!" I'm such a bitch. The only thing that I've been posting on my site recently is going out for drinks after work, which, trying to look at it objectively kinda makes me appear like a loser drunk with nothing better to do after work and certainly nothing or nobody to go home to.
Speaking of going out with coworkers, I feel like I've been doing that a lot lately, which I'm not crazy about. I am not a fan of mixing work and personal stuff. I practically made a fool out of myself Tuesday, well, in my eyes I did, even though my coworker said I was fine. I just don't want to embarass myself and lose respect of anyone I work with.
I don't know. I don't know what to do. I am just feeling really hopeless lately. It's coming up on two years since my incident with the stranger and that was the last time I even kissed someone. I feel like I wouldn't even know what to do now. Maybe I won't have to worry about it anyway. It might be time to get a cat...or a hundred.
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4 comments:
it's tough to be single... but it's even worst to be single and not have that many friends to spend time with. and girl, i feel you.
though going out with coworkers can be tricky (you don't wanna be the office gossip but at the same time you just wanna have fun) but that said, you never know when you might actually make a good friend. afterall my party girl first started out as a coworker (though we both didn't last long in that workplace) and i'm so glad that we got to know each other 'coz if not, i might never have gotten outta the house in the last few years and life would be a LOT more boring than it already is.
yeah, it's tough though, and i don't just mean with coworkers either, to let people in. my closest friends are that way because they know my past and everything that i've been, or not been, through. it's not exactly something i want to share with everyone, but i feel like until they know that about me, they'll never know the real me. it's like a double-edged sword.
Sorry to hear that the dating site wasn't successful. And it's a shame your friend wasn't willing to try talking to people. Not sure I would never be brave enough to suggest that myself, but I think I'd quite like a friend to suggest it. I'd be incredibly nervous but as long as I had backup from a friend I'd give it a go. You do feel a little defeated when you seem to have tried all sorts and nothing's changed. I would agree with Jo about coworkers though - I have made some good friends at work.
And the letting people in, I get. I sometimes feel I'm almost lying to my friends because they don't know the whole truth, but I'd find it difficult to share it with them.
A bunch of people from college added me as a "friend" on a social networking site and I love (I mean barf) when I see a couple as a profile pic. They never message me either, just add me as a friend. I think when you enter a serious relationship or get married, you lose a part of yourself for the sake of the couple. The word 'sacrifice' tends to come up a lot as part of making relationships work.
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