So, another reason that I haven't blogged in a while was due to a personal medical problem, which was possibly the most embarrassing and disgusting thing imaginable. Because of this, I will absolutely spare you all the details, but I will say it had to do with my digestive system. I was in the most pain of my life for almost a month and almost ended up in the ER. Thankfully, a few doctors visits later and some highly nauseating treatments, I am feeling much better. However, even though I am temporarily better, it is pretty much guaranteed that I will have to live with this problem for the rest of my life.
I probably wouldn't share this information except that it directly affects my feelings towards relationships. It's not exactly something that I could hide from someone I would potentially be involved with. It's not like I could be crying in pain and NOT tell someone what was wrong. I had trouble talking to my doctor about it, how could I tell someone I liked? There are other reasons why it would be unavoidable to share this information to a potential boyfriend too. So, as I mentioned in my last post, I am trying to come to terms with never being with anyone, this is a huge contributor making this realization all the more easy. I could just avoid relationships altogether. Problem solved.
I know it's silly and that you're supposed to be able to share anything with the person you love, but it would most likely have to be shared sooner rather than later. So, it's not something I could save til I felt more comfortable with them. I don't think I'm being crazy because if a guy told me about this problem, I don't know how I would react either. Maybe I would like them enough that it wouldn't matter, but I am so guarded with revealing things about myself, my life, and my past, that I don't know if I'd be able to do it without dying of embarrassment first.
That brings me to the next thing that has been delaying my posts, but I'll save it for another time. It's too long to get into just now.
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1 comment:
Good to hear you're still alive :)
Sorry to hear about your medical problem - I had an extremely painful illness last year which put me in hospital for a couple of weeks. It was the worst pain I've ever experienced, so I can really sympathise with yours.
I wouldn't write off relationships completely if I were you. I can understand that at the moment you can't imagine telling any man about your medical problem because you'd be far too embarrassed, but I think if someone liked you enough they'd likely be much more accepting than you expect. And if you liked someone enough, you'd find it less embarrassing than you expect. Though I've only experienced that sort of opening up on a friendship level, it surely can't be much different with a guy you care about and who cares about you.
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