I'm still alive update #3

So the third reason I hadn't been posting a lot lately was because of a family related problem. In the past, I wouldn't really talk about it with my friends because mostly I was embarrassed, but as I've grown older, I've realized that it's not something I have to be embarrassed about because it doesn't reflect on me or my character at all.

As far back as I can remember, I always picture my dad with a beer in his hand. I never really thought much about it growing up. I always thought it was kind of normal. I thought my relationship with my dad was normal. I was nothing close to daddy's little girl, in fact, when I heard that term, it always kind of creeped me out because I could never picture that type of relationship with him. He was just there.

I guess I never really noticed something was different until I was in high school. When I would go to my friends house I would see how they would interact with their dads, which wasn't something I didn't see when I was younger, I just don't think I noticed the difference until I was in my teens. I thought it was so weird. I thought, "wow, you talk to your dad?" "your dad makes dinner?" etc. Also, at that time, my dad started drinking way more alcohol, so maybe the difference in behavior was that much more dramatic.

It never really registered with me why my dad, who's a teacher, would come home at 5 or 5:30 everyday when school would let out at 2. It was only when my mom said one day that he was at "Bob's" after work that I realized he didn't work til 5 and it was only later that I learned that "Bob's" wasn't a teacher friend but a bar that I figured out what he was really doing. I never counted how much he drank back then, I just knew it was enough to piss me off and have him act like a complete asshole to not only me, but especially my mom. Only as an adult did I find out that he was drinking around 15 beers a day.

Remarkably, he never got a DUI or have some other bad thing happen to him as a result of drinking. I actually think his doctor told him his liver was in good shape, which is insane. The bad/good thing about his addiction is that it's not so bad where he's falling down or physically abusive or stealing money to buy alcohol or something; he's a functioning alcoholic, so he can hold down a job. My mom has said we should do an intervention, but really, he has nothing to lose, he has a job, money to support his habit, a house...the only thing he could lose would be us, which I don't think he'd really miss. I'm not saying he doesn't have a serious problem though. When he was having surgery a couple years ago, his dr had to order him a beer in the hospital because he was going through such bad withdrawal.

Anyways, so something must've happened at some point after I graduated college (some sort of threat or ultimatum) because my mom told him he could only have 2 beers a day at home and for the most part, we all believed, he was following those rules. Well, recently my mom found empty beer cans in their basement and over the holidays she found even more cans and empties in his car. This particularly freaked her out because she's scared that he's either drinking at work or drinking and driving and that he'll kill himself or someone else while driving. So basically he's been sneaking around and drinking right under my mom's nose.

So, my mom at this point, is trying to get my dad into therapy (he thinks he's just depressed, yeah right) and trying to make it work. I, on the other hand, want to tell her to divorce him because I think he's verbally abusive, childish, arrogant, and completely worthless to her. How do I say that to her and be supportive of her at the same time? It's tough. I don't know what to do. Personally, I could really take him or leave him. He was so mean to us growing up and aside from financially supporting me, he has been far from anything resembling a parent to me.

So, that's basically it.

Aside from that I'm having a particularly bad day. I have a huge cold sore on my lip. (I hate that I get them because I don't even have any fun times to attribute it to. I've been getting them ever since I was like seven, must've shared a drink with somone.) Then my mom was trying to give me a big chunk of money to help me with a downpayment and I didn't want it. She said that she gave my brother and sister similar amounts at their weddings. I said, yeah at their weddings and she said "who knows if you'll ever get married." Thanks mom, thanks. THEN, driving home, I got a nice big speeding ticket. Awesome. I'm having an awesome day.