So tomorrow I'm going to the same beer festival I went to two years ago, the one where I made some serious mistakes. Yeah, that one. I'm a little nervous about it because it's almost a given that it'll be a shitshow. I haven't been drunk like that in a long time and I'm kind of nervous if I'll be able to have more control over my actions than last time.
You're probably thinking that if it were you, you'd never go back, but I don't think I can live like that. I mean, I love the festival for one, but also, I don't want to avoid people or places just because they remind me of something bad. I should take that experience and learn from it. Should being the operative word there.
I'm also a little sad that it's been almost two years since it happened, therefore, it's been two years since I've had sex (the first and last time) and two years since I've kissed anyone. It seems like forever. I think it's because it's around the two year mark too that I'm getting really sensitive to things around me relating to dating, love, and sex too.
Last night I went out with some coworkers and they were talking about their love lives and of course, I had nothing to contribute. (I worry that they see me as this weird asexual person who works in their office.) Also, just when anyone else talks about relationships, I get really uncomfortable. I was out with friends of a friend of a friend, haha, and they were talking about this other girl who didn't have sex with her boyfriend for like a year while they were dating and the group was all like "what? how do you not have sex with your boyfriend for 10 days let alone a whole year" and I do the whole nod and "oh yeah, that's insane!" Please, like I have any idea.
Then anytime anyone brings up the 3 date rule, it's like omg, is it really true? I am not going to be comfortable by date 3 to do that and when I don't, he's going to think I'm a freak, right? Ugh, it's these little anxieties that really get to me..the social awkwardness talking about it, the awkwardness in a relationship when you get to that point...if I ever get to that point. Probably not. I just wish I could be a normal twenty-something woman with a normal healthy sex life with relationship history. Even the stupid sex tips section of magazines that I read even though I have nothing to relate to.
I just want it all to end. I'm ready. I really am.....still waiting. Sigh. I give up.
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4 comments:
I don't think I'd be ready after 10 dates to have sex -- nevermind three.
Jesus H. Christ. Are people really that sexual? I mean, am I a complete freak because I'm not more sexually experienced?
(Rhetorical questions here, of course.)
But, yes. I relate to this post -- a lot.
I relate to this a lot too. Sex after 3 dates?? I'd only just be getting used to kissing someone by date 3, I'd be nowhere near ready for sex.
i think the 3-date rule is really arbitrary, and it's up to you and your comfort level. you probably have heard this before, but if they guy thinks you're a freak b/c you're not comfortable after 3 dates, then he is not the right guy for you.
it's true our society is totally oversexed. sex and the city makes it seem like we should be out there sleeping with everyone all the time.
i don't believe in making too big of a deal out of sex, but at least it should be fun and not nerve racking.
i think there *are* guys out there who would be understanding, and even more who will be complete assholes about it. i say in this case be selfish, and think about your feelings first.
i really relate to this too. funny 'coz recently i've been thinking bout the supposed 3-date rule and i'm thinking really?? surely that doesn't happen... unless it's a one night stand kinda thing. i mean date 3 and i'm barely even having any physical contact with the dude. that's assuming it even gets to date 3... yeah i wished i was normal too...
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