I want to get off this ride

So I sent an email to A telling her I would meet her this weekend but it turns out I have to help my sister move, so maybe we should postpone, but that I would send her an email explaining what's been going on with me lately.

I wrote that I've been dealing with a lot of family stuff lately. First, my dad's drinking has become pretty bad (he's an alcoholic) and that my mom has been pretty miserable lately. In addition to that, there's been tension between my brother and sister in the past six months. My sister, husband and son have relocated here from NY. They bought a house, which needed renovation, and have been living in temporary housing. She's pregnant and due any day now. I've been trying to help her with my nephew and redoing the house, I mean, now that she's so close to me, she really doesn't have anyone else to help her since my parents still live three hours away.

Well, over Thanksgiving my brother, his wife, and their two kids and my sister and her family all came to my parent's house. My brother and wife were so inconsiderate towards my sister it was unbelievable. Needless to say it wasn't a great holiday. Not to mention that a few days afterwards my sister-in-law accidentally cc'd me on an email where she bashed my mom and my sister and bitched about how my sister was inconsiderate towards them.

Christmas was even worse. My mom was dealing with my father, and then got into a fight with my brother over the phone. I've never seen her so upset. She threw the phone at the radiator and busted the phone and made a good dent in the radiator cover and then proceeded to cry so hard she puked.

So I wrote all that in the email and then attached the word document that I wrote a couple months ago explaining how I was feeling. I pretty much got the response that I was expecting: hurt resentment balled up in defensive heartlessness. "what is going to happen to make you be able to spend time with everyone?" How the FUCK am I supposed to know. Yeah, I said it, but I'm telling it like it is. This is exactly why I've been avoiding this. I don't need to be questioned and made to feel awful by people I thought were once my friends. Maybe it just shows who my friends are. I don't know. I don't know anything at all anymore. I'm just tired. No, not sleepy, tired. Tired of everything.

On a lighter note, I started my p/t job at Hallmark tonight. Not bad, I just might be able to tolerate it. I need to go to bed now, maybe I'll get lucky and never wake up. At least my dreams are usually happier than my real life usually is.