Shaking in my rain boots

Today I went to this seminar on web tutorials for work. On my walk through the yard, who did I see? T walking with his coworker. I haven't seen him since January? I don't know what came over me. I got so freaking nervous I nearly spilled my coffee. We said hi, how are you, blah blah blah. He went to grab a coffee and I told him I'd see him in there. I picked a row with a bunch of open seats, but ended up being filled with other people. Needless to say, I didn't see him in there or when I left. I don't know why I can't just get over it. He still makes me so nervous. He's so freakin hot. I couldn't even look him in the eye.

After I got back to my office, he emailed me saying it was good to see me and if I wanted to grab lunch sometime. So we are. Next Friday. I might shit my pants.

I hate that I'm so transparent and not in control of my emotions. He rejected me. He DOES NOT want me. Yet, the mere sight of him makes my heart race and my knees buckle. So frustrating. All I want to do is jump the poor guy. It doesn't help at all that I have made out with him, so I have to live with the taste of what I'm missing. I'm sure he can see straight through me. Ugh. But how could I say no? I'll prolly just come home and cry like I always do.

Not to mention that two seats down from me was such a cute guy (a rarity in the library world). Why didn't I introduce myself? I mean, I'm at work with a bunch of other library people, why not take the opportunity to network, right? Then another hot guy sat in between us. Though, he was married. First I saw him check his phone, which had a pic of a girl as the wallpaper. Then I spotted his wedding band. Still, too much testosterone around me today. I can't handle it. I feel like I'm in heat or something.