A shoulder to cry on

This post is in response to ecrivain's post. It was getting too long for a comment and it had a lot of stuff I wanted to say, so here it is:

i don't want to say i know "exactly" how you feel, because i think everyone is entitled to their individual feelings and feeling like you own them? if that makes any sense. because we all have moments when we feel like "nobody else can possibly feel like i do know," and it's true, because i haven't lived your life. but just know that there are people out there who've felt that feeling too-like, nobody, NOBODY, feels this or gets me.

i had the same realization you had when i graduated college. i remember i sobbed like a baby the night before my college graduation. my roommate told someone, "oh, she's just sad we're graduating." i said, "no, that's not why." it was because i was in total disbelief that i was nowhere near where i thought i would be at that age. i thought i would've met someone in those 4 years, lost my virginity, matured, figured out my career path...and none of it was true. i cried the whole drive back home too. i had to make my mom drive my car because i was so hysterical. she thought what my roommate thought. i let her believe it.

i have a feeling that i will feel the same things near my 30th, that i'm not where i'm supposed to be or want to be. it's something my therapist called me out on. she told me i gauge myself too much against other people and societal expectations. I disagree with her though; it's not just about other people and being normal, it's about wanting what any normal human being would want-love and acceptance.

it sucks, i did nothing for my bday this year. when my coworkers asked what i did for my bday, all i could say was "my parents took me out for dinner." (woohoo) no party, no big gift, no hullaballoo...but there never is a big to do about me.

even in my family, i feel like i've gotten the shaft. in my parent's home are my brother's wedding pics, my sister's wedding pics, pics of my niece and nephews, pics of my siblings' families, and my brother and sister's grad school pics. yeah, maybe i chose not to go to my grad school graduation, but really, i didn't think anyone would come, especially my siblings and their kids-too crazy with all the youngins, ya know. literally, i'm in two pics in my parent's house. one is me standing next to my sister in her cap and gown and another is me with my brother and his wife. but to me, it's more like i'm some random person in the background of a photo, i just happened to be there. it's like if you aren't married or have kids, what have you really accomplished? at least in my parents' eyes.