Bad day

I had a bad day today. My horrible annoying coworker yet again has driven me to the brink of insanity. She gets away with bloody murder. My boss excuses her from tasks that everyone else is expected to do, yet, she somehow manages to get out of them because they're technically not "in her job description." Well, ya know what bitch, there's a lot of shit that I do that's not in my job description, but I do them because I'm a fucking team player.

This was cause for a beer after work with my 40-year old coworker that reminds me so much of myself, I should probably come up with a name for her. Maybe something like Me-in-ten-years. I should actually change all lettered named people to actual names, because there are some duplicate letters. Anyways, I digress. Well, while we were drinking, don't I get a text from K saying that she is ENGAGED to her boyfriend. Shoot. Me. They've been officially dating for maybe six months. SIX months!

I really almost cried at the bar in front of my coworker. Luckily she could feel my pain. I did however cry on the train ride home and I did stop and get a six pack on my way home. I don't know why this fact furthers my depression, I knew she was with him, I knew it could be a possibility, but the fact that it's official only pushes me to realize how much further I am from that reality.

As I rode the train ride home and the sun was setting on the horizon into a beautiful orange and pink hue, I couldn't help cry under the protection of my big sunglasses. Looking at something so beautiful just made me sad. I don't know why, but all I kept thinking was that it looked so beautiful, and why couldn't I have something beautiful, something as beautiful as that sunset? Don't I deserve it? Haven't I been a good person? Maybe even better than the people that get to be happy and loved? Don't I ever get to hold onto something and have it not be fleeting?

So far the world has answered my question. And the answer is no.