So, I think I only have one reader right now haha, but I wonder what people think...is it better to be single, alone, and pining after someone who doesn't want you (story of my life thus far) OR is it better to be single, alone, and have nobody in particular in your life at the moment that you're interested in. I haven't been interested in anyone since T. I actually don't really think about him much at all anymore, probably because I don't see him like I did when we were in school together. Before T it was 5 years since I was really into anyone. That stretch was sooo long I swore that I was asexual or something, but at least there were random hookups and makeouts to fill the time. Now, since I don't have friends anymore, I don't go out, and therefore, avoid those shenanigans. It's just so....well, boring. My life is really boring.
Speaking of my "friends," I've been wondering a lot lately what I'm going to do if or when I decide that I do need friends. What if they're not there when I want them back? What if they're like "fuck it, you bailed on us" and that's the end of it. I'm doubting myself if I should have distanced myself from them, if I should have just kept on pretending that I was okay and that I was fine with being the only single one left, the only one that's never been in love or in a relationship. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and dealt with it, like I'm sure everyone else in this world does. What if I become the cat lady....the woman with no friends who lives alone with her cats and calls them her children, because she never married and had kids of her own. Oh my god. I need to stop and go to bed.
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Single, alone and no one you're interested in. Then again, I've never really pined for anyone so I don't know what that's like. I wonder why it's so hard to find that one connection I covet so much, aside from the fact that I'm unwilling to "get out there" and search for it. I often wonder if we end up feeling like being alone is such an isolating, lonely thing because that's the human condition, or if others' expectations of/for us make us feel that way?
I suppose life is meant to be shared, but why does sharing it have to be so complicated?
Is it wrong that I'm actually looking forward to owning cats so that I'll at least be able to love something?
Not at all. I can't wait to get a dog for the same reason.
Omg tell me about it, I am going to end up like the old lady with 50 cats.
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