Reality check

My sister had a baby yesterday. 10lb 5oz and without any drugs. Absolutely crazy. I went to see her today and as I was holding my new nephew I just thought more and more about how much I want to have children of my own one day. The longer I stayed though, the more cranky my 2 year old nephew got and then started to think how I'll never be able to handle a difficult child. By the end of the day, though, all I could think of is how I really never have to worry about a difficult child and should not try to think much about how much I want a family, because I need to find a man first, which is never going to happen. And I'm definitely not going to be one of those women who, after establishing themselves in their career, decide to adopt a child on their own. I can barely take care of my houseplants on my own, I doubt I could raise a child alone. Sigh.

I think I might be slightly psychic. Years ago, I predicted so many things about how my life would be now in terms of my career, my social life, my love life, and they have all oddly come true. I knew I would not find a good job right out of college and end up stuck in some low-paying temp job turned permanent-and what'ya know, I spent 4 years at that stupid place. I knew that my friends would all one day surpass me and we would drift apart because we no longer had anything in common save the fact that we all went to the same college...true. I also predicted I would be single forever..so far, true. Some people say that you determine your own future and maybe by having these thoughts I somehow made them become reality instead of seeing my future positively, oh who the f*ck knows. Anyway, I remember thinking when my brother's first child was born that I am going to be Aunt Jackie from the TV show Roseanne. I'm going to be that aunt that never gets married, that always does fun stuff with you, you know, the "cool" aunt. Don't get me wrong, I would love my niece and nephews to consider me "cool," but I really DO NOT want to be that aunt. Although, I do think Aunt Jackie did end up getting married and having a kid on the show, but lets face it, that was in the last season as a last-chance hope in saving that series. Man, it seems like I'm a real Roseanne fan...I'm totally not. Ugh. How is it possible that such a happy event can make me so sad?